Consistency is key. When I start putting my self care routine, (namely two walks per day) to the side, things start to slide. That sciatica I had a few months of reprieve from, starts to rear its ugly symptoms again. My anxious thoughts start to overpower. I feel gloomy, lonely, and hopeless. I’ve reached that part of the year where this rut happens, it’s seasonal depression. I naively thought since it’s been warmer and I’ve been outside more that it wouldn’t hit but no amount of outdoor time can fix it when there’s no UV light and thus no vitamin D to derive from the sun.
I opened the store timing-wise to counteract the feelings of isolation that also naturally happen come winter. We’re all just inside and prone to hibernation mode. Well, we have to eat, so come on by and get some food and conversation to break up the daily monotony, it’s good for all of us! It’s the week of Christmas so I’m baking and making neighbor treats. Having a sourdough crisis in that I can’t seem to get a good rise, so loaf after loaf is a new experiment and little tweaks here and there. If you’ve received a flatish loaf from me, it’s still good, just pop it in the toaster for a bit! Or make it into a stuffing or croutons, we’ve done all of the above with much delight.
This is all to say, this time of year is hard, but also joy filled. Lonely and quiet but also inviting and eye opening. Looking for ways to express gratitude daily. Noticing how I crave color this time of year when all is brown and flat, so when I look up and get a beautiful sunrise or sunset it feels like a gift just for me. Laughing with people but also crying about the pain of it all. We will come to know the vastness of our emotions but will not be slaves to them. I was made by a powerful Creator, and I am a powerful creation. It is within all of us. What we choose to do with is up to us.
Look what a three mile hike outside of town can do to get my writing flowing again. Thanks for reading!
Penning down my thoughts after the whirlwind week and weekend. I’m still blown away by the support and encouragement we got from both locals and from afar. Thank you for birthing this idea into reality with me!
Last week was absolutely bonkers, last month someone from UMLF (our lender) stopped by and the space was basically empty, I was still waiting on my fridge and freezer and inventory hadn’t been ordered yet. I had my doubts that we could pull all of this off in such a short amount of time. Once we got our tables and shelves from our new friend Ben Larsen in Cedar City, things started flowing into motion. I started placing my wholesale orders, boxes and boxes were coming in almost daily.
Before and during photos to mark our progress
Then the fridge and freezer got picked up by Zach and our neighbor Joey on 10/30. Longest drive day ever for Zach as he did this “errand” on his way home from work, meaning after a full work day and early morning commute, driving to north SLC, then schlepping it all home and getting back well after 9pm. The following day, Halloween, we were making plans to get things unloaded after the trick or treaters were done, but my friend Bob recruited his dairy men to come right over after their shift and they manhandled the units into their rightful places in the store while the sun was still out. What a relief!
We got the units plugged in and the fridge started cooling right away, the freezer was not cooling, so a call into the repair folks was made. I have PTSD from my window replacement scenario earlier this year so any call to service people sends me into a spiral that the request will take forever to fulfill. Luckily I was proven wrong, made the call on a Thursday, and the came by Monday to complete the job. Way to be efficient Peterson Refrigeration and Appliance!
A morning’s work to get the freezer runningHalf a beef loaded inInching closer
Once the freezer was up and running I got our beef delivery arranged and Megan from SunnySide Up Pastures came on Wednesday. All this week I’m also working in my drive up north to visit my dad and get last minute supplies, baking or making one or two something’s everyday, having labels printed and adding them to my products as they file in, making pricing tags, putting inventory into our POS system and thinking new things as I go. This for me is being in the entrepreneurial zone. Working for hours and hours without noticing how the time is warping by. I thrive here even though it sounds kind of manic. Don’t recommend for the long term, but if you have a deadline and know about how to work backward from it effectively it can be a powerful tool. Every night I went to bed utterly exhausted from the physical and mental demand, and I loved it.
Friday I did the last few pick ups, went to the bank, then we had a little chat back at home base with a pork guy who is just getting started and looking for a market like us. We’re not quite ready for pork yet but he’s our kind of farmer and has similar visions for the county and people’s overall health. Quick insider info, Sanpete county is the second poorest county in Utah, so access to all things including healthy food is pretty scant. Robert did leave us with a large cache of pork to sample and we are eating like royalty.
Saturday was our big grand opening day! I had only just found the previous week that out our county has a chamber of commerce, so some of the ladies came out and did a ribbon cutting ceremony. We got to network a little and I’m joining the chamber as it’s just getting started. Our neighbors and biggest fans were some of our first customers. We’re glad they shared in the special moment with us! The day flew by with a pretty steady stream flowing in, sharing stories and memories of this place, and enjoying some camaraderie with one another. It blew us away as far as any expectations. Everyone participated, Camden and Natalie did most of the register work, Zach entertained his coworkers who came down for the occasion, my VA a caregiver counselor came all the way from SLC just to see this vision come to fruition (he and I have been meeting for the past year + talking about all of this alongside all I do in my role as my dad’s caregiver). I am still very touched by his kindness.
Sunday and Monday were mostly rest days and now we’re gearing up for another weekend of food and neighbor time. Our business hours going forward are Fridays and Saturdays from 11am – 5pm (or by chance, someone has come in “by chance” everyday since except Sunday and we love and welcome that!). I got my food handler’s permit today and Zach and Natalie will be getting theirs so we can serve more prepared foods legally, the menu will be changing weekly and we hope to add some grab and go meals to the mix. We’re just getting started and are so excited about all the possibilities that lie ahead. THANK YOU to everyone who has helped and to those who came and will continue coming, for making this a success and believing in our vision. We know deep in our bones that we were placed in this place at this time to do something with The Merc. We hope you feel that energy when you step through our doors.
Ribbon cutting, sure do love these small town gesturesBeforeDuringAfter
One of the hardest of recent memory. I moved my dad again today, not because I wanted to or even had a choice. His facility in Payson sent an eviction notice a couple weeks ago, apparently they and Medicaid can’t get their $hit together to facilitate payment smoothly. The house manager, Chris had called me repeatedly asking what I could do about it and my answer has consistently been a big ole nothing. I mean I’m doing our part, paying into Medicaid via my dad’s spend down and paying the facility agreed upon lower rent that Medicaid is then supposed to cover the difference. My dad was evicted because he is poor. Plain and simple.
We have a Medicaid case manager that I’ve been in touch with through all of this. She asked me a couple weeks ago coinciding with the eviction notice if I would be willing to move my dad out of Orchard View and into a facility that was easier to work with. I said yes and let her steer. She found the new place, booked a mover, discussed the new agreements and kept me well informed. She also told me that Chris had been verbally abusive to her so she was no longer communicating with him or Orchard View (OV). So I had some trepidation about retrieving my dad from there this morning.
When we got to OV this morning (we being the kids and I thanks to a random Monday off school) there was a palatable feeling of sadness amongst my dad’s care staff. Chris had excuses for his behavior, but I don’t buy it and maybe he’ll sue us but there’s literally nothing I can do to make up for what my dad couldn’t afford to pay while we waited and waited on Medicaid, don’t ever get old with no financial security it’s truly a nightmare and had my dad not had an advocate he’d likely be living on the streets.
Back to the main event though…There was lots of holding hands and comfort and some tears. He really does make an impact once people spend a good measure of time with him. He was also in a great mood, at one point of complete lucidity he said, “Let’s go back to Colorado”. This broke my heart wide open. This man rarely acknowledges that we’re even in a different state when we get him for outings despite all the Utah license plates, the landscape confusion and an interstate he’s unfamiliar with. I think maybe he was anticipating a drive today and maybe the long road trip we took when we first moved him to Utah just over a year ago. This is all conjecture, as his next sentence was, “I loved that song.” So who really knows.
So we get to his new facility with some of his things, still waiting to hear from the movers for his furniture. They’re surprised we’re there and aside from the vacant room are not aware that today was move in day…great. They let us unload and say to wait for Mikayla to come back from lunch. We unload while my dad sits and waits in unfamiliar surroundings, and waiting is just about the worst for him as it begins to get him agitated. I decide to run to the store with him for a few needed items and to break up the waiting. As the kids and I are grabbing our late lunch I get a call from the new facility’s owner asking all the questions and wondering when we planned on moving in. I said we were halfway moved in already and today would be great, in fact you’re our only option at this point. So we hurry back to the new place, meet Mikayla, sign a load of new paperwork, hand over a large check, all with my dad waiting once again, getting up to pace around a few times and having his mood sour further. When it came time for us to leave the movers still hadn’t been in touch, we were running late for a parent teacher conference back home, and dad was coming unraveled. He asked why we had to leave, could he come with me, why did he have to stay there, nobody was going to care for him. All of it and all of the guilt. I made our exit quick instead of lingering since any answer I was giving at this point was only making him more agitated.
The first thing I did when I got back in my car was call the movers, they were indeed still planning on today, their morning job was much longer than originally anticipated. Fortunately their dispatch called me several more times through the evening to let me know their progress. I think things finally got delivered by about 8pm. Good thing dad rarely goes to bed early. Megan, our Medicaid coordinator touched base while I was on my evening walk and I think is genuinely looking out for dad’s best interest. It’s going to be a rough few weeks adjusting to the new place if past experience has anything to teach us. I’m completely emotionally exhausted, am super grateful for my kid’s help with the physical parts, and at a loss for yet another example of a broken system failing us. It shouldn’t be this way. Yet here we are, the hard day is over and we get a new day tomorrow hopefully with far fewer obstacles.
We’re opening a store! I know, I know, I said this months and months ago. Everything here in the middle of rural Utah just takes longer. A broken window took five months to replace because the only window repair in our county said, “Fayette?, we just don’t go out there that often.” They are half an hour away, I’m not way out on the edge of the earth though sometimes it does feel that way. Anyhoo, that much time lapse gives this overthinking mind too much to worry about. It was a big buildup preparing into the summer months then a slow march from there.
When we were in Colorado at the beginning of the summer, Zach and I were tasked with giving a presentation to Utah Microloan Fund, a nonprofit that helps start ups like us with no history of business financing. In the lead up to this task, I had to submit business plans, cost projections, all the legal documentation to prove that I was a serious business and this isn’t just a hobby or far fetched dream. The good news, we got approved shortly after giving our presentation!
So now with funding in place, I’m starting to order things like shelves, tables, a fridge and freezer, and soon even some inventory! Not setting an opening date until some of those things arrive and the space feels more ready, but I’m excited and eager to liftoff.
This gets to the heart of our fast paced, instant gratification consumer minds. I’ve long let go of Amazon-speed expectations, even they take a week to deliver here. Maybe it’s divine timing, and that means slower, not at my harried and frantic pace. I’m finally coming to accept my human limitations and just go with the flow a lot more these days. The chickens are coming into egg laying, so perhaps they were setting the pace all along. (Yes, there will be pasture eggs for sale as available!)
The garden was a big flop this year, but it’s our first time in a new climate and with the big blank slate we started with, just building soil is sufficient for now. The squash bugs didn’t kill everything so we’ll at least have some pumpkins and other gourds for the fall. I might get a handful of tomatoes if they ever decide to ripen. The chickens are enjoying the ground cover and they fertilize out there almost daily, so we’ll take the wins where we can.
Go baby watermelon, go!
We met some fellow Coloradans in Spring City who have a store similar to what we envision and I’m beginning to pepper them with some of my work flow and production questions. The key here for me is to not try to do everything. I need some recruits for baked goods and for produce (did you read about my paltry garden?)
Putting it all out here is vulnerable and somewhat intimidating. Getting the funding and talking more about it makes it real. I’m accountable to someone(s). It’s terrifying in the best way. I guess that’s how I know we’re on the right track. Thanks for encouraging me along the way, we really are better together.
I was having all these nostalgic feelings as the one year mark approached from when we moved here, but then we got into business and camping planning so my writing as of late once again has been thwarted. Nevertheless, the date came and went (6/19), so here I am posting in July. You, dear reader, probably didn’t notice and that is absolutely fine.
The biggest thing I’ve noticed here physically is that since we’ve been slowly improving the soil, when it rains we don’t get as many mud puddles or standing water. We’ll keep composting and adding inputs that improve the soil health, we have a fledgling little garden, and I have to keep my expectations low for much production this season. I’ll keep weeding and stay faithful, we’ve heard it could take up to five years to get the land to do what you want it to. Slow and steady is a saying for a reason. Also of note, while we’ve gardened plenty in the past it was always at rented property or on our school’s community garden plot. This is a whole new level starting from scratch, knowing what should go where, companion planting, shade patterns, etc.
Garden helper 🙄Spring on the homestead: animals, garden starts, and lots of color
We got 15 baby chicks in April and are babysitting a couple of sheep for the summer. Cats or something got into the coop while we were away last week so we are at 13 chickens now. I thought I’d be terrified of them since I’m not a huge fan of any foul but these ladies (and maybe a male or two, too early to tell) are really winning me over. The sheep are mowing our back pasture and there appears to be no more traces of thistle or bindweed, so yay them! Their manure is a great fertilizer as well. No plans for that area yet in terms of growing things but at least the mitigation is helping to clear out the negative so the native plants can thrive. Check out the milkweed!
Hummingbird moth on the milkweed
Indoors, not much has needed alteration. Just your run of the mill repairs and upkeep (today being the swamp cooler, just in time! Spring was good to us but now it’s HOT.) Our biggest projects have been getting water and electricity from the front of the property to the middle so that our two outbuildings can have power and we’ll eventually build a drip irrigation system for the garden so we have the infrastructure up to make that easier when we’re ready. Fence work is an ongoing project as it is for any farm. The big old trees will likely be getting some major trim work in the fall. They are great for their shade but they are Siberian Elms and they drop seeds and branches and ooze some gross liquid constantly. We’ll be pulling up their shoots for the remainder of our or their lives here.
The biggest upcoming news is that we got funding to start The Merc and will be opening a grocery store in the coming month or so. The business plan writing and projecting costs on financial worksheets were a huge mental hurdle and I’m so glad it all came together with help from friends, mentors, the SBDC, our business banker, and the Utah Microloan Program. I can’t wait to get to the physical work of transforming this blank canvas of a storefront into an actual business. Stay tuned for more, and if you’re a local reading this let me know what you’d love to see in this little local store. Think farmer’s market and kitchen staples.
Three years ago we left Denver for a nine month nomad excursion. That trip twisted and turned in so many unknown directions that make up the body of this blog. The first stop on that trip was a visit to our friend’s newly acquired hemp farm in Paonia, Colorado. Three years later we were able to return to their farm for their annual Summer Solstice party. Camping for a week on the western slope of the state we left has given me fresh perspective.
We’ve just returned full circle so to speak from that starting point. Seeing their vision come to fruition in three short years gives me great hope and inspiration for what we can also achieve. We saw their starts and have seen their work pay off in the way of a diverse community and successful business. We didn’t know where we were headed all those years ago, but we have a pretty good idea now. This was also the first camping trip we’d taken in a good long time where we were all actually excited to get back to our regular lives. It was refreshing to get away and is always sweet to see friends, but we are thriving in what we are creating here. Grow where you’re planted.
Solstice flower crownsCamping in an orchardHiking findsColorado is still special to us too, now for visits
The Writings of Breanne Mashek 